


You Were Blue

by KaSaPe, Nessarin_the_greatish



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: (verrry nesr), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Ghosts, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Sorry, Keith (Voltron) is a Mess, M/M, Near Death Experiences, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post Season 6, like A MESS, or is it?????????????
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-28
Updated: 2018-07-28
Packaged: 2019-06-17 19:13:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15468132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KaSaPe/pseuds/KaSaPe, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nessarin_the_greatish/pseuds/Nessarin_the_greatish
Summary: his eyes full of life, an ocean, one he’s prepared to dive into head first, to hell with the consequences. It’s dangerous, treacherous and it could break him. Lance could break him. Though despite all that, Keith is only a little reluctant to plunge straight into the uncharted territory.As much as Keith learns during his time away from the team, away from Lance, a part of himself regrets leaving, loathes himself for it. Then, when a mission takes a turn for the worst and Lance is badly injured, that regret begins to consume him. But surely Lance can make it...right?





	You Were Blue

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! I'm really excited to share the first chapter of a two part hurt/comfort collab I'm doing with KaSaPe! This first part which I've written is the hurt, the angsty part which may or may not rip your heart out. Then, Kat will be writing the second part, essentially fixing the mess I've made and healing your broken souls with fluff. I hope you enjoy it :)
> 
> [Kat's tumblr](http://keiths-stupid-mullet.tumblr.com/) | [My tumblr](https://all-klanced-out.tumblr.com/)

“I never got to tell you I missed you, I-I never got to say how I felt about you, how I  _feel_  about you...just, just please... _please_ -”

\--

The planet they land on seems devoid of all life, with harsh winds and mostly rocky terrain. It seems like the last place where they'll be able to find all the necessary items to ensure the long trek to Earth runs smoothly. The trek to home.

For Keith, there isn’t much he’s missing out on, as all his family, all of his greatest memories, belong up in space. But he is excited for his team, especially for Lance, who had been both anxious and thrilled at the prospect of finally seeing his family again.

Even as they walk on the uneven ground of the planet, Lance is engrossed in telling Keith about all of the family traditions and habits he misses, the usual glimmer in his eyes that Keith smiles at fondly.

“So what is it that we need exactly?” Lance glances at Keith, a half smile forming at his lips as he talks. “And sorry, I was definitely rambling.”

Keith finds himself shaking his head,”Don't worry about it Lance. I know you miss them all-”

“I missed you, you know.” The words are said rushed and haphazardly, yet they linger in the air, clinging onto it and clawing away until there’s nothing but silence.

Honestly, Keith doesn’t know why the words strike him. The sheer look of contained and repressed pain on Lance's face that day when he left was a sign enough. How close they had gotten beforehand, how intimate, and how Keith just suddenly went away. Abandoned Lance. He pushed him away, built a wall and ran. Looking at him now, he regrets that.

“I'm sorry.” Keith says, looking at Lance directly, his expression remorseful but determined. Determined to put things right.

They reach the space market, and almost automatically, Keith begins to buy the things needed for the journey, paying before putting it all in one big, worn out sack. Walking back towards their lions happens in heavy silence until Lance finally asks,”Wait, why are you apologising?”

“I left Lance-”

“You had to leave-”

“No, I didn't. I  _chose_  to leave,”  Keith stops walking,”I left because I was insecure, but you...and we were, getting somewh- ...and then I left.”

“Keith I-”

“I hurt you, didn't I?” His tone is akin to a frightening revelation, his voice small and strained as he reaches out for Lance's hand. “I'm- I'm so sorry Lance…”

No words are said from Lance. Nothing needs to be said when Keith is pulled into a tight hug either, the embrace an unspoken acceptance to his apology. The embrace a warm, safe place radiating a passion Keith couldn't figure out.

But the warmth quickly disappears, and the chaos sets in.

Keith is just putting down the supplies gathered in his lion when a startling cry pierces his ear. A rumble in the ground, a furious stampede, another cry and he’s readying his weapons, scrambling out of Black. Eyes wide and breathing heavy, heart slamming against his rib-cage, because that voice...that voice is Lance.

“Lance!” Keith’s eyes take in the scene unfolding before his eyes, Galra druids marching out from the ship, steps purposeful and menacing as they draw closer, guns held close to their chest.

They surround him, surround Lance, and Keith doesn’t need any other incentive to charge in, taking some by surprise as he barges his way in to plant himself in front of Lance, drawing his sword.

“Thanks Keith,” Lance starts, but is quickly shut down by the more dire issue at hand.

“Where’s your bayard?” not taking a second to look back at him, Keith fends off the druids, thrashing his sword out in accurate flicks and slashes.

“It’s in my lion, I didn’t think we would-”

“Go back to Red and call for backup.  I’ll hold them off until then. I don’t know what they want but it can’t be good.” With that, Lance is sprinting back down to his lion. And Keith, he’s focused on the fight, trying to make sure they don’t reach the village, trying to make sure he doesn’t become surrounded by them and-

A twisted, strained cry punctures the air this time. It’s so much worse than the surprised sound of alarm, so much more unsettling. An almost inhumane sound, a sound of pain, of death. Keith runs, not believing it could be who he thinks it is, not believing it for one second, despite the unlikelihood of it being anyone else.

Drumming in his ears, a repetitive slam in his chest, it’s almost as if Keith’s heart is trying to break free from his body, in any way possible as he comes face to face with what he refuses to believe.

“No!” his voice is rough and angry, and delicate and scared.

But Keith scowls out at the world, at the druids as he releases his incoherent rush of emotions at anyone who dares challenge, his sword moving faster than light, slashing out with fire and fury. Exuding all his anguish.

Suddenly, the rocky plains are silent once more as Keith takes a look around to see the small amount of fighters left retreating, and an overwhelming majority of lifeless metal bodies scattered across the ground.

As soon as he scans the area once more for any potential threat, and finds none, he rushes over to the figure in blue lying peacefully.  _Lance_. Keith's breathing is shaky as he approaches, eyes glued to the gut wrenching wound.

He crouches down by his side, taking in Lance's empty, emotionless expression. 

“Lance…” Keith whispers, a timid hand falling to his cheek. The hand journeys down to his neck, to see, to see if maybe…

A shallow, slow pulse is still beating. There's still time left! There must be, there has to be and so Keith has not a minute to waste. Quickly, carefully, he picks Lance up.

The sky above is threatening, ready to burst, and he figures there's a storm coming. A bad one by the sound of violent thunder and heat crackling in the air.

Shelter. They need shelter.

The first place that comes to mind is the small cave nearby, and Keith doesn't hesitate to get to his lion and fly there in no time at all. But he's careful, because Lance, he has to save Lance.

Deep into the cave, deeper and deeper to get away from the storm, into a safer place.

Keith finally decides that this is far enough, and turns back to Lance, wincing at the wound. Does he even have any bandages? Surely he must have, and he does, but not nearly enough to confront the chaos before him.

He tries anyway.

Sliding off the plates of armour to get to the injury, he starts to wrap the small amount of bandages left around the wound caked with dry blood, and then for the first time since he was shot down, Lance stirs to life.

“Wha-” eyebrows knotted in pain, Lance's first words are heavy, his voice scratchy and perplexed.

“Don't worry, it's going to be OK, I promise Lance, just, just hold out a little longer.” Keith secures the bandage, and it's horrible, but surely he'll survive.

Lance can't die.

Still groggy and confused, Lance’s hand lands on his side, and immediately he hisses, eyes opening slowly.

“I was- shot?’ But Keith doesn’t give him time to look down at the bloody mess before him. No, he cups his face in his hands and makes Lance look him directly in the eye.

“You're safe now, that's, that's all that matters.” Keith looks down and pauses, taking a breath. “I thought you were dead.”

Somehow, Lance cracks a tired smile, despite it all, despite the excruciating amount of pain he might be in and the storm wreaking havoc outside their safe haven.  _He's too brave_ , Keith thinks.

“I'm, not dead yet Kogane.”

“I'd hope not.” Perhaps a ghost of a smile reaches his lips.

But Lance's smile quickly fades and he shifts uncomfortably.

And his ghost of a smile fades too.

“It hurts,” Lance mumbles, his eyelids seeming to grow heavier once again.

Keith's hands fall down to his forearms. “What does?”

Another wince. “Everything.”

“Oh.”  Keith starts to get up, in hope that maybe he's forgotten where he stashes more bandages in the Black lion, but a weak hand tugs at his arm to halt him.

“No, no, don't leave...stay, stay Keith…” the words seem like they are becoming increasingly more difficult to form, but Lance wastes his precious breath on them anyway. “Keith I...I need you.”

That's all he has to say to make Keith forget everything else. He sits beside Lance and lets him lean on his shoulder. He holds Lance's hand tightly, in fear of losing him.

Lance  _needs_  him.

He needed him before and he wasn't there, and now he needs him more than ever. Keith won't abandon him this time. He won't let go. He won't let go...

\--

Keith wakes and for a moment, he forgets where he is. But the body slumped on his shoulder is reminder enough.

“Lance,” Keith says softly, tapping his hand.

It's cold. Then, all at once, the sleep lingering within him fades as panic sets in. Keith turns his body to face Lance, who slumps awkwardly in his lap. Hands shaking, he leans down to hear Lance’s heart beat, to feel his pulse.

But he's gone. At first, he thinks there’s a faint drum, a slow pulse, though it seems so distant, that maybe it’s just what Keith wants to hear.

And Keith, he feels like he's failed, like he's abandoned him, like he didn't fight hard enough.

He isn’t a crier. At least that's what he tells himself, even as he sobs quietly, Lance's dead body in his arms. Drawing himself closer to the corpse, he mumbles out incoherent apologies. Again and again and again.

“Lance I'm-”

“I made a promise-”

“I broke it and-”

Just barely does he manage to choke a full sentence out between the sobs.

“I never got to tell you I missed you, I-I never got to say how I felt about you, how I  _feel_ about you...just, just please... _please_ -”

Like the night before, Keith cups his face with his hands, but this time he leans in, closer and closer and closer. Until his lips rest on the other, unmoving, unfeeling pair.

It's soft, and bittersweet at first, but it quickly dissipates into something of desperation. Something to bring him back. Chapped, dry lips brush against each other and Keith's own tears mingles with the taste of death and agony. He parts their lips and breathes hot air into his body. Once. Twice. Three times. Because that should work, it has to work, pouring his life into Lance  _will_  work. Will bring him back.

But it doesn't work.

\--

Stepping outside of Black, Keith comes to realise that only darkness surrounds him. The exit from the cave that was there beforehand has been replaced with an abundance of boulders, rocks and dirt.

They're trapped.

Expect it isn't  “ _they_ ” anymore, it's just Keith.

There's the food that he bought, along with the other supplies he collected before this, this mess happened, and sooner or later the team will figure out and find him.

In the meantime, it's just Keith. Keith and his thoughts.

\--

It turns out that Keith’s thoughts aren't good company. No, not at all. Over and over again does he think, “I could've saved him.” He goes through what he could have done better, things that could have been avoided.

Though, all of it is pointless, as what's done is done. Unfortunately, Keith can't change that.

So all he is left with is fiery guilt bubbling in his stomach, and bitter regret clouding his taste buds. He can't stand to be around himself, can't stand just sitting there doing nothing.

Maybe he could attempt to escape, get out of here and fly back to their base camp...it's worth a shot, Keith thinks as he climbs back into Black. But something feels off. At first, he can't quite place it, but, within moments it becomes clear.

Lance.

Or rather, the limp body that lies on the floor, the body Keith refuses to look at in its current state. It's permanent state. Dea-

What should he do about the body? He doesn't want to just, abandon it somewhere...that would feel... _wrong_. So it becomes clear that maybe trying to escape is not what Keith should be doing right now.

Instead, he sits down, facing away from the body. It’s only when he sinks down in his chair that he realises how tired he is. Emotionally and physically. He practically hears his muscles and mind scream in relief. Eventually, his eyes become unfocused, his head getting heavier as his brain wills sleep to overcome him. And it does.

\--

_A boy, with beautiful  tanned skin, scruffy uneven curls and deep blue eyes. Blue. His eyes were so expressive, like a whole ocean, so much of what was within it unknown, undiscovered. Yet they were like a window to his soul._

_However, his enchanting features were tarnished with a rough beginning, the previous adoration replaced with irritation._

_“Maybe we can throw off some unnecessary weight.”_

_But Keith had fun, and eventually the teasing and bickering grew into something more...friendly, fond. The infatuation came back too. Truthfully, it had never left, opting to bubble beneath the surface of initial annoyance._

_Keith was really starting to like Lance._

\--

_A foolish mistake. Lance didn’t seem at all into him, though at first Keith had thought differently. The coveted bonding moment. Lance had fallen, was weak and Keith had helped him, went over to him. They shared a look, a short moment of intimacy, soft smiles and a “thank you.”_

_“We do make a good team.” Lance had said, before unconsciousness overtook him, and he was in Keith’s arms._

_After he had been healed, things remained the same between them. Bitter disappointment fizzled inside of Keith._

\--

_Maybe things had changed. Because now, it had become habit for Lance to wake Keith up and go to the viewing room to gaze at the galaxy before them, in an easy, comfortable silence._

_There would be some nights where Lance would wake Keith up from a nightmare. He remembered the first night that had happened._

_-_

_“Keith, Keith-” Lance stumbled back when Keith bolted upright, a small, hoarse whimper escaping his throat. His breathing was heavy- “What- are you alright?!”_

_As if afraid to startle Keith, he sat down carefully, eyebrows knotted in worry and concern._

_Taking a shaky breath, Keith mumbled out a broken and unconvincing,”Fine.” His head hung low._

_“Keith, it’s just me, Lance. You don’t have to pretend.” His hand came to rest on Keith’s shoulder._

_Slowly, Keith lifted his head up to face him, his mouth set in a grim line. Without any words, he leaned in to rest his head on Lance’s shoulder. Lance didn’t say much either, he simply wrapped his arms around Keith, drawing him closer. As if his life depended on it, Keith grabbed onto the silky material of Lance’s robe, stifling a cry._

_Keith didn’t even realise how much his nightmares had affected him, until he had let it all out, showcasing this new, vulnerable side Lance had never seen before._

_“Do you wanna talk about it?”_

_“It sucked.”_

_A small chuckle. “OK then.” He stroked Keith’s head softly.”Just so you know, I’m here for you. Don’t forget that. I’ll always be.”_

_But Keith wasn’t there for Lance._

\--

_What was meant to be the future. A happy couple, security and warmth._

_Laughter and soft kisses, sitting in the grassy plains, watching the sky dim into a beautiful night. Arm in arm. Heart in heart._

_Trust and love and joy. What was meant to be._

_\--_

Eyes snapping open, Keith finds he’s back in his lion. For a moment, he stares at nothing as he tries to fathom the vivid dream, several dreams he had had.  _Lance,_ Lance had been there. In all of them.

“ _Keith_.”

He draws in a sharp breath at the sound. Did someone say his name? But surely that’s impossible, he reassures himself, no one could be here to say his name.

“ _Keith, it’s me_.”

The voice is Lance.

“Lance, is it...is it really-- how?” Keith is dreaming, he must be. He blinks, again and again, pinches himself, closes his eyes, trying to think logically about this. But a soft, warm hand traces circles on his face, a thumb stroking his cheek and Keith opens his eyes in a start, jerking away from the touch, until he’s face to face with someone who should have died.

Tears seem to spill out, but Lance wipes them away. It’s a quiet, breathless sob, and Keith’s muscles have given up, much like his mind, and he falls into Lance’s arms. Arms that used to be there, should have been there, only the metallic flooring meets him instead, unforgiving and ruthless, slamming into his head.

Keith cries out, curling into a ball on the floor, head throbbing like the deafening roar of music, a song Keith doesn’t like.

“Lance!” A broken voice shouts out, and Keith isn’t sure it’s his anymore. “Come back, I need you…” the shout fades into a whimper, a plea. Perhaps Keith doesn’t deserve any pity from Lance, who he’s failed so many times before.

Maybe this is payback, and honestly, Keith can’t blame him.

\--

Unsure what time it is when he finally regains consciousness, Keith gets up, slowly, as his head still pounds to the beat of a ruthless melody. His eyes shift back into focus, and sitting there before him is...is Lance. A soft blue light seems to engulf him, surround him, and Keith blinks several times. He wonders if he even woke up from his dreams.

“You’re back. Where, where’d you go? Keith reaches out, but the figure in front of him is no more than air, and it feels as if he’s almost out of his reach.

Lance shrugged. “ _I didn’t go anywhere, Keith. You fell._ ”

“I- I mean yeah, but that’s because, you- what?” his palms rub at his eyes, and it’s tempting to pinch himself again, because he feels as if his senses are betraying him, fighting against each other and Keith has been caught in the middle.

“ _I never left_ -” Lance glances at Keith, before looking down and continuing to talk- “ _I wouldn't just leave Keith, but there was nothing I could do to stop you falling_.”

“Nothing you could do? Well, that’s bull-” he cuts himself off, realising that maybe he’s being unfair, and breathes out slowly, letting his shoulders fall- “I’m just, I'm glad you're here.”

There it is again, a cold hand, tinted blue atop of his own. The hand is the heat within the winter, the bite still there, but also, a comforting warmth that cannot be ignored. Keith wants more of that. And he wants to ask questions, ask why he can’t touch him, like he so badly wants to. Or why something in the air feels different, that far off feeling where reality seems glazed over and abstract and he can’t trust his eyes or his ears, or the feeling of Lance’s delicate hands on his. Skin on skin.

So many questions, but he’s scared to ask, and thinks that this, whatever this is, should be cherished. Really, Keith should bathe in the presence of someone he saw hit the ground with a thud, soak it up, absorb it until the bath drains, and he’s left alone again.

“ _I’m glad you’re here too, Keith_.” Lance smiles, nothing like the painful wince of a smile he wore in his last few breaths- last? Keith isn’t sure anymore. And the way Lance says his name, ‘ _Keith_ ’, is fragile and sacred.

They talk. And he loses track of time; doesn’t know whether it’s morning or night. But it doesn’t matter, no, not at all because Lance is there, in front of him. He’s laughing and grinning, his eyes full of life, an ocean, one he’s prepared to dive into head first, to hell with the consequences. It’s dangerous, treacherous and it could break him. Lance could break him. Though despite all that, Keith is only a little reluctant to plunge straight into the uncharted territory.

Into Lance.

So close, so painfully close to uttering the words that had terrified him for all those years, but the words die on his lips as the hand on his becomes...lighter, colder. The almost human weight of it before dissipates into a feather light touch and Lance’s upturned lips quickly fall to a grim line.

“Lance, why are you-”

“ _I think it’s time for me to leave Keith_.” The way he says his name is like a broken promise.

“No,” says Keith, jaw clenched as he speaks.

“No, no...what the hell Lance! You can’t just leave, after everything, after all this-” suddenly Keith can’t stop himself from saying everything, all that he’s been thinking, all that he’s thought- “After I saw you die, suffer, take your  _last breath_. And I’m so confused as to how you’re even here…” his voice breaks,”But please stay Lance. I need you...I...I love-”

The feather light touch turns to dust, then nothing. And Lance broke him.

Keith curses, hands balled up into fists and head low, as Lance is truly gone now. Turning round, he takes in the now bleak lights and lifeless body. Oh. Keith doesn’t question it, doesn’t look at it or acknowledge it. Well, tries not to acknowledge it.

\--

Sure, it stings. Keith plunged into the ocean and got swallowed up by the waves, and spat out, ribs broken and screaming. But he’s gotten used to the screams, of so much more than his ribs. Of everything.

After all of it, more than anything, his body aches, pleading for him to rest. So, for what feels like days, Keith floats in and out of consciousness. Sometimes he opens his eyes, and the familiar blue tint comes into view, along with that smile, radiating goodness. He learns to ignore it though, convincing himself it’s just his mind playing tricks on him. Because Keith doesn’t even trust himself.

\--

“Keith, Keith!”

 

At first, Keith refuses to listen.  _Just more tricks._  But this voice isn’t anything like the whispers of fake promises, surreal and intangible, coming from nowhere. No, this voice  _is_  coming from somewhere,  _is_  real, and seems to be getting closer.


End file.
